parental controls:disengage

So I spoke to my parents today, because they like me ever so slightly. We talked about the usual:

  • how am I enjoying Chicago
  • how is work
  • blah blah blah

While speaking, the topic of my blog (this blog) came up. I was just in the middle of telling them about how I’ve been invited to actually co-write another blog (updates as soon as I have them) when my mother casually dropped the “but you won’t be writing about choking right?”

And that’s when it hit me: my parents (and other parents) read this fucking thing

*insert mortified emoji*

I’ve always been one to push the envelope with my writing because for a large chunk of my writing career, I was either very selective on my audience or I was ghost writing so it wasn’t like, a major deal if I said “fuck” or talked about sluts or sex or whatever. Because when I was ghost writing, it wasn’t me and if I wanted someone to read it, I had friends to do it not my goddamn parents. 

My parents have always been very proud and supportive of my writing (probably because what I was showing them was academic or “vanilla”.) So it wasn’t a surprise when they were praising me for this blog. Until like I said, it hit me that they were reading THIS blog. The very blog where I discuss binge drinking and bad dates (where I could potentially end up on Law and Order). It’s quite a shock when your saint-like mother casually mentions the post about a man who wanted to “lightly choke” you. In the middle of a Starbucks, my eyes became as big as saucers while the light bulb in my brain clicked on.

Then it was that weird moment, do I apologize? Do I say a Hail Mary? What do you DO in that situation?! I opted for none of the above, and just laughed it off. Because at this point, what can you do?

The short answer is— nothing. They’ve seen it. They’ve read it. And now they may low-key worry for your safety a little more. That’s the beauty of parents, they worry for you in situations you should fear, but only see a killer article coming from it. (killer, haha…)

Long story short, I don’t feel bad they read it (because it was really fucking funny). But I do feel bad that I gave my parents access to this blog without so much as a warning or a briefing as to the content.

Sorry, Mam and Mark. I love you. It will probably happen again (the inappropriateness, not the light choking). And I’ll be better at disclaimers for you.

All images were found on Pinterest. Image does NOT belong to writer.  Pinterest search: oops photo

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