the correlation between amount of mimosas and the length of time you’ll nap: a J1 story

Chicago is a scary place. Not like totally scary but pretty scary. Especially when your 28 year old blonde friend who has a history of befriending strange people in strange places has been drinking bottomless mimosas without supervision.

J1 and Emily came to visit me in the Windy City. The two of them pulled off the ultimate surprise and I could not have been more proud of them.

UNTIL:

Emily went back to Seattle, I went to work, and J1 went off to explore on her own.


I have never panicked more in my entire life. I called this bitch’s phone over 60 times. I texted her. I texted out other friends. I even took to Facebook Messenger and requested help from her sometimes boyfriend (who was not at all helpful and they have since broken up)! After LITERAL HOURS of no response, I reached out to a fairly new friend who just happens to work for Chicago Police Department. He did a drive by of my apartment to make sure I didn’t have a collection of medics and firetrucks outside my apartment. (what a nice guy, right?)


About 8 hours later, I find J1 ASLEEP in my apartment. Not dead. Not abducted. Just drunk, sleepy, and wanting Chinese.


Moral of the story– If you have a friend who does this, punch them in the head and don’t ever let them do that to you again. You don’t need that kind of stress and anxiety  in your life.

If you are this friend, THANK ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS FOR NOT MURDERING YOU.

I love you, J1. I hope your coma was worth it. Brat.

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